pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize