I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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