I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
