I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
