I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
