just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
