I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
