Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
