Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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