Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
