thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
