He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
