i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
3 2 1 whiskey
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
