Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
