the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
