he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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