Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
