I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
