look no pants
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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