So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
