after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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