They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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