that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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