how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
