I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
