It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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