Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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