There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
