Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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