just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
