how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
