if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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