he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize