i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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