hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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