do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
PANTIES FOUND
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
