Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
