At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
