not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The struggles of a small town man whore
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
