I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
