Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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