you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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