I think my fart just growled at me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You are a genius and a whore.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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