the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
