Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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