Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
