Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
