i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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