yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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