Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
